


Christmas Morning

by Talithax



Category: Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Humor, M/M, POV First Person, Pop Culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 11:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5538620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talithax/pseuds/Talithax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will & Ethan don't quite know what to make of Benji's gifts...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas Morning

**Author's Note:**

> ~ Narrated by Will & Self-Beta'd
> 
> ~ Yeah, yeah. Second Christmas fic in as many days. Thing is though, this was actually written as a piece of complete and utter fluff last year and I'm only posting it now 'cos, well, 'tis the season and all that... That, and I'm hoping some might find it amusing.
> 
> ~ Not to repeat myself or anything, but... Fluff! Just fluff. Nothing more and nothing less.
> 
> ~ The... uh... 'porn' they're all (wisely) wanting to avoid? Since I wrote this I actually accidentally encountered some of it and... No. Just... No. It was months ago, and I'm still scarred by it.

===============  
Christmas Morning  
by TalithaX  
===============

 

“I...” Shaking my head, I glance over at Ethan and share a helpless look with him. “I don't even know what it is,” I mouth silently, holding the offending item up so that he can see it for himself.

“Just smile politely and say thank you,” Ethan whispers, rolling his eyes at me as he holds up his own, similar looking present. “God knows it's what I did.”

“But...” Biting back a sigh, I look across the floor to where Benji's enthusiastically babbling something at Jane and, once I'm satisfied he's otherwise occupied and I'm safe for the time being, quickly inch closer to Ethan. “What is it?” I query, waving the small box at him in the hope he'll somehow be able to solve my dilemma for me. “Sure, I can smile blandly, and I can probably even make him believe it's what I've always wanted if I put some effort in to it, but I...” Trailing off, I look at Ethan and shrug. “What if he asks me what I really think of it, huh? Then what?”

“It's... what you've always never wanted,” Ethan mutters, staring at my box for a couple of seconds before, with a shrug, turning his attention to his own and starting to open it. “I mean... You've got what looks to be a twig with a face on it, and I've got...” Frowning, he finally succeeds in pulling his figurine – or whatever the fuck it is – out of the box and, momentarily at least, gazes down at it as though he's lost for words.

“And you've got...?” I prompt, staring down at the odd looking... creature... in his hands as, with another sigh, I wait none too patiently for the penny to drop. “Ethan? What is it?”

“I...” His frown intensifying, Ethan gently bops the creature on its head and causes it, the thing's head, to wobble all over the place. “I appear to have a bobble-head of... uh... some sort of rodent in a space suit,” he announces dubiously as, with its head still bobbing up and down, he holds it towards me. “See?”

“That's just it,” I murmur, tentatively reaching out my hand and giving the thing an experimental tap on the head. “I am... seeing. I'm just having trouble with the... believing... and... uh... the comprehending, that's all.”

“You and me both,” Ethan retorts, picking the rodent up by one of its feet and dangling it upside down. “I don't know... For some reason I can't shake the impression that I'm supposed to know what this is for some...”

“Oh my God! Why'd you take it out of the box?” Benji suddenly exclaims as, both cutting Ethan off and with his expression a truly comical one of both shock and horror, he scrambles to his feet and hurries over to where we're both sitting on the sofa. “Ethan! Don't you know that's the limited edition one from this year's San Diego Comic-Con?”

“Mmm... And that strange sound you're now hearing, Ethan,” Jane interjects with a snort of laughter, “is the sound of thousands of geeks' hearts breaking over the fact you've dared to take something so limited and... uh... sought after out of its packaging! Just... Seriously! How could you be so... careless?”

“Uh... What exactly is this year's... uh... limited edition San Diego Comic-Con... uh... one?” Ethan queries politely as, clearly turning a deaf ear to Jane's commentary, he holds up the space-suited rodent – the one that he's still got dangling by its foot – towards Benji. “Are you talking about... this?”

“Of course I'm talking about that!” Snatching the thing from Ethan, he turns it the right way up and, to my decided bemusement, gently strokes its head with his finger. “See? It's the flocked version. And the only place you could get the flocked version was from Comic-Con.”

Sighing, Ethan shares a look of long sufferance with me and once again rolls his eyes. “That's lovely, Benji, it really is,” he murmurs, “and, yes, I can actually see that it's flocked. I... I just, and I'm sorry if this disappoints you, I really am, but I just don't know... what... Well. What it actually... is.”

“What do you mean you don't know what it is?” His expression falling, Benji turns to me and smiles hopefully. “Will? Surely you...”

“Sorry, Benji,” I interrupt, glancing down at my box and shrugging. “While I get the impression I... should... know, and that we're only disappointing you by our... uh... cluelessness, but, sorry, I don't know what mine is either.”

His shoulders slumping in what I can only describe as abject disappointment, Benji drops the – flocked – rodent down on to Ethan's lap and, with a heavy sigh, sinks down into the nearby armchair. “It's Rocket,” he mumbles as, it all getting too much for her, Jane gets up from the floor and, in order to be closer to the action, walks over to take a seat on the edge of the coffee table. “Rocket Raccoon,” he adds with an exasperated sigh as both Ethan and I continue to stare at him blankly. “You know! Rocket! From Guardians of the Galaxy!”

“Guardians of the Galaxy?” I repeat, turning once again to Ethan in the hope that he'll be able to save me. “Uh...”

“It's a movie!” Benji all but whimpers as, giving every impression of having just given up, he buries his head in his hands and groans. “Guardians of the Galaxy, it... It's a movie. A Marvel movie, actually, and not only was it the biggest grossing film of twenty-fourteen, but...” Lifting his head, he shoots both Ethan and I a beseeching look. “What it also just happens to be is a movie that I played for everyone last month.” 

“Hey, I remember it,” Jane pipes up as, taking pity on Benji, she reaches over and gives his knee a little pat. “It was... mental. There was a talking raccoon, that rock ape from the Fast and the Furious movies gave his voice to a tree, and... and there was a dance off, and... Uh...”

“It was brilliant,” Benji whispers. “It was the best movie of the year and... and because I was sure you all would have liked it too, I got you Pop Vinyl’s from it as part of your Christmas presents.”

“Oh...” Picking up my box, I peer at the... kind of tree-like shape... contained within the plastic and, because God alone knows I have no recollection of the damn movie, can only assume that it's meant to be a representation of the rock ape voiced tree. “So... This is meant to... uh... be The Rock, yeah?”

“Not The Rock!” Benji grinds out through clenched teeth as he gestures agitatedly at the box. “Groot! It's Groot!”

“It's Groot,” Ethan whispers, giving me a wink as he carefully returns his – limited edition, San Diego Comic-Con – flocked rodent to its box, “and this is... Uh... Rocket. He's a talking raccoon. Come on Will, get with the program.”

“And you got the wrong rock ape,” Jane interjects as, standing up, she walks back over to the Christmas tree and retrieves a small green plastic figure from amongst all the wrapping paper spread across the floor. “Yeah, yeah. I know The Rock is in those damn movies too, but I meant the other one, the other huge, bald rock ape.”

“Vin Diesel! She's talking about Vin Diesel!” Benji howls as he begins to vigorously rub his temples. “Dear God! Do all you people live under a rock or something? Vin Diesel voiced Groot...”

“I am Groot!” Ethan suddenly announces in a triumphant tone as, beaming at me, he takes the box from my hand and holds it aloft. “I remember now. It's all that he ever said, too. I am Groot. I am Groot.”

“That's... marvellous,” I mutter, taking my box back and peering down at what is apparently my very own... Groot. “Thank you, Benji. I... I'll treasure it.”

“You know what? You can both shove it...”

“Benji!” Jane exclaims, cutting him off as she waves her little green figure at him before sitting back down on the coffee-table. “Be nice. Just because Dumb and Dumber over there weren't able to immediately recognise your presents doesn't mean you have to start threatening them. I mean... Think about it. Of the three of you, who do you... really... think would end up second best, huh?”

“I was only going to suggest that they... shove... them at the back of their closet if they don't like them,” Benji replies both hurriedly and just a tad nervously. “Ethan, Will, I'm sorry if you don't like...”

“I never said I didn't like it,” I interrupt, flashing Benji a reassuring smile, “it's just that I didn't know what it... was. I know you're sitting there thinking that I should have seen the movie, but I must have worked through it or fallen asleep, and... I'm sorry. Nothing needs to be shoved anywhere and... uh... if you've still got it I'll make a point of watching the movie as soon as I possibly can.”

His expression brightening, Benji beams at me and gestures towards the television set. “As I've got it with me, we can watch it after lunch,” he declares as, his equilibrium having clearly been so easily – not to mention effortlessly – restored, he claps his hands together gleefully. “You'll love it, Will, seriously. There's Groot, and Rocket, and Gamora...”

“The green chick,” Jane murmurs, holding up her figure. “This, in case you were wondering, is Gamora.”

“Hang on... As bits of this seem to be coming back to me now,” Ethan mutters, “wasn't there some... hero-type... who ended up with the green chick? Star... Dick, or... Star Prince, or something like...”

“Starlord,” Benji corrects as a faint blush begins to bloom on his cheeks.

“So... Where is he, then?” Ethan queries, looking around with obvious interest. “We've got the tree, and the raccoon, and the green chick, so... Where's the hero of the piece, huh?”

“Uh...”

“Benji...

“Okay, okay!” Benji holds his hands up in a show of surrender. “Fine. I kept Starlord for myself.”

“Oh...” Leaning back against the sofa, Ethan looks Benji up and down appraisingly as a small smirk begins to tug on the corner of his lips. “You kept the hero, the one who gets the girl, for yourself, huh...”

“In your dreams, Star... Dick,” Jane laughs, cradling her figure against her chest in a mock display of possessiveness. “Gamora here has sworn off men for life.”

“What? I...” Sighing, Benji gives a slow shake of his head and goes back to rubbing his temples. “It... It just made sense, you know... Gamora and Starlord work together like... uh... Jane and I do, and, well, Groot and Rocket are... really close and always... together, so...”

“Wait,” I interject as, quite unable to help myself, I affect a horrified expression. “You're not seriously implying that there was something going on between... the tree and the raccoon, are you? I mean, if you are that's just wrong. Hell, it's all sorts of wrong.”

“What? I... Groot and Rocket? No...” Benji shakes his head. “That's wasn't what I was getting at at all. They're just always together in the movie, yeah... They... work... together, that's all. I... I never...”

“That's not to say that some... enterprising... soul hasn't gone there,” Jane murmurs with a sweetly innocent grin. “Let's face it, if we turned to the internet right now I bet we could find us some... Groot and Rocket action.”

“I... I don't think I want to know.” Groaning, I curl my legs up on to the sofa and press myself up against Ethan's side. “Make that, I'm positive I don't want to know. Ethan... Make them stop. It's Christmas Day and I don't want it to be ruined by... tree and raccoon porn!”

“As I know something innocent died in me the day I accidentally stumbled across R2-D2 and C-3PO... uh... rubbing metal bits that... uh... I'd never even considered them possessing... on the computer screen in front of me, Will's right, this needs to stop now,” Benji states as he both pulls a face and mock shudders. “Just... Seriously. You don't want to go there.”

“I'm quite certain... none... of us want to go there,” Ethan announces by way of having the final word on the subject as he drapes his arm warmly around my shoulder. “So... Moving on! Thank you, Benji, for sharing your love of... Guardians of the Galaxy... with us all, and thank you, too, Jane, for the... generous... uh... Walmart vouchers, they...”

“Hey, you can't go wrong with Walmart,” Jane interjects with a smirk. “I mean, if nothing else we all need toilet paper, right...”

“Toilet paper,” Ethan echoes as, it well and truly being the morning for it, he once again rolls his eyes at me. “That... That's just great, Jane. It really is. Thanks to your kindness I'll now be able to think of you every time I wipe my...”

“Uh!” It all getting to be far too much for me, I silence Ethan by placing my finger lightly against his lips and start to laugh. “Enough! It's Christmas morning, this is all deteriorating to... God, I don't even know what it's deteriorating to, but I know that it's deteriorating and...” Pausing, I slide my arm around Ethan's waist and give his cheek a quick kiss before turning to the others and grinning broadly. “I just want to say... Merry Christmas! I can not think of any other bunch of lunatics that I'd want to spend it with. You... You're my family, each and every one of you, and even though I might think you're all mad, I love you and already know that this is going to be a day that we'll always remember...”

~ end ~


End file.
